I have been thinking about a lot of things latly! Mostly about love and getting married and all that! I talked to Brian for the past couple of days and I have noticed that my view is a little weird! It seems to me like it should be like a movie all romance and swooning but I know thats not true at the same time! *sigh* I think of the times I have said this isn't what I want because I want something else but then not really regret it but wounder what would have happened if... I hate that word if! If this and if that! If I had stayed with.... if I had done better in.... if I hadn't of said.... if seems so pointless!
But the fact is that if is a natural way to rationlize things! To make it seem better. But when I think about all my if's they arn't to say that anything would be better just differnet. I don't regret any decition I have ever mayed but would love to know how things would have turned out. That is why I am taking a bigger stand on love. Then I think about God and how he controls all this and think about how my parents have raised me. God will bring it to us.... when God gives us this it will be better.... God will provide everything for you.... but if you just wait for God to do everything your life won't go anywhere. All this comes down to me being more forward with feeling in love. I will not seek it but when I have it in my sites watch out.
Why do we make the decitions we do? Is it our nature or is there a higher power that knows the decition we are going to make? We have freewill but if all is pre ordaned by God then we must be ment for something and God will not just bring us to it. We need to grab it and take it. This is something I have been working on for a while.
Love is expansive. It takes my breath away. The way I want it and watch it. My heart pounds for you love. My love reaches, cry's, yell's for you love. The deep well of unemaganable passion streams from my fingers tword you. Everything I am is love but there is not place to put such things. I want to explode for you love. Take you always. I would die for you love. I would live for you. Take my time for you. Do everything for you love. But why have you forgotten me love. Everywher I look you are there but not for me. I jump for you. Have thoughts for you. Everything for you. But when will you be there for me. You have touched me and sent love through me but then taken it away. Why?
Anyway I thought I would share it. Better go to bed now! Hannah
